30/10 sunday

rite nw.im awake nt drunk anymore
i cn write wads in my mind clearly =]

today till 11smtg i in work oni msg u
said izit u forget to reply me yesterday till nw
bt u replied is u fall asleep dint reply
if dats d reason impossible 11smtg still dint wake
aft i ask u.u said u early woke up ady today
dat jz makes me even more confused
i tink dats nt wad i should care anymore...
i tink dat 'fren' is acc-ing you the whole night.and early morning
am i right about dis?my 6th sense.i think i never noe dis ans
at least nw i cn lie myself u gt someone there for u to make u smile
im nt gud enuf.i never blame u for dis decision actually
i noe u r adult.bt i jz worry about u sometime
sometime u r jz being too tough.n careless in smtg
i scare 'he' cant take care of u n hurt u let u down
i hope 'he' will be the one u wn.always protect u.love u
nw onwards no matter who u wif.i will tell myself
u gt someone dat u wn.u nid.in ur world
lying myself.will make me feel better.to let go everything

today i told myself mz concentrate work dn reply u
bt i still cant control myself keep replying u
when u said u going return ur phone
dats d 1st time ever.i be so mean to u
said i ntg to talk wif u and bye dn reply me agn
dats d hardest time for me to type it.dis really hurts me
to make me forget u.1st mz make u hate me n ignore me
dats d 1st step.i hope 1st step cn make me wake up
no one will undstd the feeling of mine

today i go work at pc fair last minute ask me to work d
i agree n thought i cn bz whole day wont tink of u anymore
bt i cant make it.i nid some more time to do it
the saddest part was when i start to ride bike back home
the moment i start my journey.my eyes start to get wet
i think of u so badly.think y is dis happen so sudden
all the way back my tears out by itself.cant control.cover by my helmet
dis is nt wad i planned.actually i was waiting ur ns to finiz
i knew dis will happen one day.bt i hoping cn hv a memory of u
i gt so many places to go wif u
its the place i wanted to go n the place u promise to go wif me
mayb u forget ady bt i still rmb.tot aft u finiz ns we cn go all these places
bt all dis jz happen so sudden.nw we r a stranger frens
all dis nt going to come true anymore
the places u wish to go.all research dat i done for our vacation.gone...
i tink other than d time we exchange back hp
no more chance n reason for me to meet u anymore...
as a fren identity.cn i still joke n laf in front of u...
i nid much much more of time.i wish i cn go to a lonely place
i dn wn stay over here.im suffering every moment nw

LJJ.me n u.cant be a couple.bt be fren is hard for me.im sry
i ask u in everything.bcz i love u.i respect u
when i do it my ways.u jz scold at me.bcz dats nt u wn
its nt i dn hv my own mind set.jz i wn u happy
bt i tink i ask too much.let u become frustrated
n finally end up like dis~
i tink all dis while.i dn undstd u.dats my problem
friday gt ur fren fetch u.i dn noe whos dat.bt careful
our date??i dn noe wad to say bout it...
dis blog slowly had bcome my diary =[ .a half diary

still rmb u was going to gv me a call?
i wait for it.i wish for it.n i never get it
every night im waiting for ur call did u noe dat
y im still waiting for ur call jz nw.i noe it wont happen
u lie to me.u dn gv me a chance to hear it anymore
ur voice.will b most familiar voice in my heart...

29/10 second chapter~

today saturday when ur 1st msg come
i saw it im little bit weird
aft bout 3 or 4 msg.all u replied it short
i ask did u moody or wad
u said ntg say to me
dat time.im disappointed of u
izit we both really ntg to talk...
i start to guess about one thing
when u start to take ur phone
when u return ur phone
am i the 1st person u tink of?
the msg u sent.could it be me?
i guess im nt...frm the msg u send me
i tink the 1st person appear in ur mind
is ur dat 'fren' rite?the one dat jz enter ur world
i tink u msg wif dat 'fren' happier than msg me
eventhough u never told me anything
bt i cn feel dat u gt smtg hiding frm me...
u gt ur fren acc u dats great.my fren

finally.coincidence is 30/10

end of my satuday night
haha.today is 30/10.i wait for today
i was planning go meet u actually
cn hv a look of u n cure my disease
bt i tink right nw n nw onwards
no more dis kind of thinking
will completely forget all of dis
finally...
u say out all the things
we r fren rite now =]
i wont say anything will accept dis decision
jz hope nw onwards everything going well for u
30/10 is halloween day
its also our 3years 4months anniversary
bt i tink.nw is our fall apart day huh
no more anniversary day
tmr oso nt coming cz dn wn let ur fren or teacher ask
ltr ask who am i.dn wn let u hard to ans oso
dis is the last time i message wif u
i tink u treat me as fren ba.i cant do it im sry
when i saw u say bout b ur dad anak angkat
i cant stop my tears frm dropping out
hw could you wn me to accept all dis
u wn me to b ur bro n treat u as my sis
n seeing you everytime.wn me stop my feeling
u wn me how to prevent my feels when see you
its really very suffer for me did u noe all dis?
i tink u never noe all dis...
today is the most awful day for me
drunk at own room.vomit at own room
i hope dis is the last time i make myself like dis
nw onwards.sleep.i tink its nt a easy thing for me
bt alcohol will ruined my body i hope i wont do it agn
red wine is it gud for health?i drink alot of it.and tiger beers
i will rmb hw drunk i m today.dis day...
3smtg aft falling asleep when writing dis blog
aft 3hours.finally i woke myself n continue dis post
woke up vomited so badly.my stomach hurts.1st time ever
my head so dizzy n pain right now
stomach having bad feeling.im so weak
happy halloween to you.jia
as long as u happy.i will very glad oso =]
i wont purposely take off day on sunday agn
i should b making myself busy on sunday
tmr sunday is my off day cn rest actually
bt at the same moment u tell me dis matter
some offer for pc fair tmr ask me to work
i promise for a part time job at pc fair
yea dis will make sure i dn hv time to look at phone
all the best for u.gud luck in working n ur life
i wish u cn happy always nw onwards
jz bcareful in making frens.n ur work place
in my drunk condition.i manage to write so much
haha dis i my 1st time though...
going to sleep back.for my work later
happy halloween huh?happy drinking,cheers =]
goodbye

once awhile

sometime
felt dat am i too determined?
should i let go myself
instead of so determine in smtg
the truth...
always is a cruel thing
hurts without leaving marks
i hope i never noe all dat
always covered by the lies u intent to
knowing ntg is better than now...

today planning to go night market wif frens
so long dint hang out relax myself
so long dint met up my frens too
bt keep raining.canceled finally
aikz.next time hope gt chance ba
keep raining ruin my mood :(

the thing i prevent

dreamed about you again
every night
lying at bed telling myself
i shouldn't dream about wad n wad
bt i still cant do it in my dream
today i cant sleep agn
a dream makes me miss you
i hope u wont c all my thing
bcz none of it dat is dint make u angry
every post of mine jz making u hot
i jz realize hw to face n express my feeling
dis is d way for me to tell my stories
i should make myself busy agn
for no time to think other matters

i feel good~

wednesday
today work place so busy agn
dn noe y so busy oso larh
lazy talk about work
today i feel so good
lazy go to gym for workout today
back home do my workout
1st time at home do hard workout all sweat
feels good bcz lazy go gym bt still cn exercise
dinner ate 3types of food today
going to vomit ady bcz no one to share
shit im gaining my belly fat
so ugly t.t
should do more exercise =]
night blogger

tuesday

today work morning
not busy
nothing special
hv a very full meal for lunch
kinda sleep ady nw
nt enuf sleep
work morning less sleep so much
aikz =[
good night.to the one dat i care
and happy deepavali to indian frens =]

dream

slept till 1something today
its like a so so long dream for me
dream alot of things
its like end of world in my dream
kinda confused woke up time
its time for my work ady
get a bath n went for work.hungry =[
one ppl work agn.kinda boring bt enjoy
enjoy the feeling.no ppl ask me to do thing
i cn do wtv i wn.eventhough many orders
my gastric is going to recover i tink
average time for my meal n medicine effect
tmr work morning cnt sleep yet.grrrrrrr

love one person
no matter she/he love u back or nt
u will still continue love her
bcz when shes happy.smile appear in ur face

23/10 sunday

today early wake myself
n message you.dis whole day
i felt.u ntg to talk wif me anymore
i cn felt dat.im nt the one for u ady
someone at there acc-ing u right?
i tink someone had replaced me
bt i should bless u instead of hate u
hw cn i hate the one dat close to me
if ever im replaced
i wish u cn tell me honestly
i din meant to bcome burden for u
a relationship is consist of two bcome one
when one let go.u cant chase his/her shadow d
be honest to own relationship.dats me
1st time cant go c u.nt even a call frm u dis time
i jz curious.y u mz say thx to me
if is couple.does it really nid to thx each other
somemore is thx for missing another one
i wish u cn dn thx me in anything agn...
sometime something eventhough u knew it
its whether u wn to lie urself n cover the truth
or face it to release urself

today i went for check up my stomach
ans doc's Q n check everything
when doc told me confirm u r suffering gastric
i was so down.hope its cure-able
will consume medicine n take care my stomach
hope ntg serious about dis matter =(
work place kinda relax.yet so boring
alone agn felt so lonely.used of messaging i guess
its going to reach november =]
another sunday..another week..another hope

another saturday

today work finally cn relax abit
cz i work noon today nt so busy
stomach still awhile pain already
tmr mz go c doctor hope nt gastric
ate a warm porridge let me more comfortable
tmr is sunday.1st time dint come
1st time i cant hv a look of u at there
my heart still gt abit weird feeling
bt i dn wn u let ppl ask or say u agn
sry i every night miss ur voice
sry i every day miss u like nobody
sry i cant control myself
tmr mz enjoy over there...

my friday

work place busy like wad agn
wonder all the guest morning dint eat izit
eat so much of food.so busy tiring
aft 3weeks dint do workout
finally today do a hard one
whole leg cramp pain like hell
back very late ady luckily rain stopped
jz nw u call me time
i kinda weird bcz today is friday
thought dis week u nt free dint call
wait for tmr ur msg
bt i like dis calm conversation
heard u said ur coach asking u about me
i tink sunday dint come is nt a bad thing
they ask u who m i sure let u hard to ans
im very tired already
i wn a nice sleep now
my stomach keep pain
going to hv a body check up
i hope its nt gastric
my mom said gastric cant cure.aikz

nt really like today

today im super sleepy
yesterday sleep for 3hours wake for work
work place dn noe y so damn busy
3ppl working bt like 2ppl working
hope all the sweating worth it
pls dn let us down agn dis month point
aft 3 was planning to go for my gym
dint do workout for more than 3 weeks already
bt night gt function ask us to stay back
alright then its ok bt im doing my overtime
y its like dis is wad i should do for u
keep scolding y cant stay longer n help
i nid my rest too ok i work frm 7 till nw
sometime really dn undstd wads chef thinking
slept for 3hours.work for 13hours.no time to eat
my stomach was so pain bt i continue help u too
hope sometime u jz cn undstd our feeling too
back time raining at bike fall asleep agn
reach home i really like to hv something to eat
bt aft bath sitting n fall asleep.really cant hold it
rest for 2hours.woke for my dinner/supper
hope its nt gastric pain whole day
nw its my time to back to sleep
dats my tiring thursday...

爱,真的那么简单吗?

i really cant sleep

listen dis song trough radio

kinda miss dat movie

watch wif u

陶喆 - 爱很简单

moodless

sometime...
i jz nid one person
willing to listen to wad i said
cn let me tell out everything
n i will b very satisfied
bt i cant find dat person
dat question come back agn
where should i go...
if im leaving...
anyone going to ask me to stay?
i very stress at my work place right now
does it worth it for me to stay...
i've lost my direction
i must not let myself rotten
but y is the feeling of enjoy cooking...lost
i nid someone to share wif me
i nid to express out my feeling seriously
i wish january fast abit.3more months to go

nw i noe.y im diff to other guys

my weakness.i cant chg it
slowly scroll back ur blog
saw back ur post our 3years
saw u thx me so much
my tears slowly drop

i nid to sleep

its 1smtg going to reach 2am
5smtg i nid to wake for work ltr
y m i still awake instead of lying on my bed
kinda hard to sleep recently
should i go buy some alcohol??
haha.keep it inside my fridge =p
today i cook hokkien mee
whole pot of soup dat i cook
lunch n dinner eat at least amount of 2ppl
finally stuck inside my stomach.haha
whole day gt thing do wont so boring
today my holiday nt so wasted bcz of cook
next time going to cook agn perhaps =]
bt right now.....
i need to sleep~
if nt tmr going to fall asleep agn...

its monday agn

its my rest day agn =]
aft i awake for 32 hours dint sleep
i sleep for 15hours today
wake time body lie too long abit tired
its kinda hard to fall asleep yesterday
b4 sleep i was thinking about u agn
if dats d end of it.r we still frens?
let dis question vanish.hw gud could dat be...
today i accidentally look back
the cinema movie tickets dat i kept
feels all dat moment is like jz yesterday
laugh together n i still rmb ur reaction in cinema
smiles appear on my face =]
its my off day too tomorrow
going to cook hokkien mee ^^

1month already

yes i do hv many things to tell u
1st...i felt smtg changed deep inside u
n dat is oni u cn feel it urself
u're like suddenly grown up beyond 18
i tink disi is a gud news for u
keep it on bcz you r you
you are not live for anyone

2nd i would like to say my feeling
its kinda blur between u n me
sometime u're warm.bt sometime so cold
i dn noe wad should i do sometime
i dn wn too warm to u n get rejected
bt at same time i cant treat u hardly n mean
nw i find dat i really so in love wif u
u affect my life my everything
nw i start to believe one thing
chef no matter which gender
when u're nt in a gud mood
the food will taste like ur mood

did u noe u ask me y i late sleep early wake
i wish i cn tell u d truth about dis
every night work time im tinking of u
aft work morning i lie cant sleep
fall asleep awhile nia wake myself
i hope i cn stop tinking of u.bt i cant
i cant tell u all dis.bcz i noe u hate it
today when i met u
we dn hv chance to talk oso
did u noe.no matter in ur eye im who
i jz wn a normal talk wif u
a normal n simple talk which end wif laugh
bt we dn hv dat chance
i really hope i cn hv dis chance...
as a frens n hv a chat oso satisfied ady
u at there one month ady
still gt 47 days to go.all the best!

early morning

when i past the seaside in d morning
i saw a beautiful blue sky
i saw a bright sun rising
and a calm sea in front of me
imagine u r right bside me
together enjoy d sea breeze
where as i noe dats kinda impossible
bcz mayb we dn hv dat chance anymore
i start to dn understand much about u
our distance slowly far apart
still rmb b4 dis we cn chat whatever
bt nw...dats jz wad i cn rmb in my mind
ur behaviour start to act upside down
our relation is in d middle of the path
or its going to meet the end
dats d ans im seeking for...

im scared

if i really gt ur call
should i tell u wads in my mind
aft think deeply.im scared actually
bcz i noe if i tell u dat i miss you
u will bcome more pressure
angry me is cant avoid
bt i dn wn to gv u pressure anymore
wad u told me in msg still fresh in my mind
eventhough i really wn to say it
bt i think i cant make it anymore
u at there sure nt so happy sometime
if i say out.jz make u fed up
i saw a quote few days ago
    dn use tears to prove hw much is ur love
    use smile to prove u cn accept sadness
very meaningful words...

ten/ten/eleven

the whole midnite i working
i cant let my mind nt tinking u
if i ever had a chance to talk wif u
i would love to say i miss u badly
no matter hw u react
i jz wn to say out my feeling
i wn to face my feeling...
u went for ns 24days ady
did u really enjoy over there?
hope cn hear more frm u

sunday

y izit so hard to let go of u
dis time u take phone
our on call conversation
was the time u going to return ur phone
n dats oni about 1 minute call
oso bcz angry den close my phone
i tried so hard nt to care about u
i tried so hard to pretend i dn love u
bt the moment i saw u
once agn my heart is attracted by u
i oni cn hear about ur life
trough conversation of u n ur frens
when u returning ur phone
the same feeling like last week happened
wn to care u.bt dn wn u noe i cant let go u
6days is very fast
bt everyday is like never end for me
i hope we cn hv a gud talk...
my love so hard to express for u
no matter wad.all the best for u

im lost

today.i lost myself
no direction.no aim.no point
where is myself?
i mz stop acting like dis
i cn live without u
pls dn like dis ady
u r making urself useless
find back urself
if nt...u will fall deeply inside the hole
and finally cant get out frm it
pls let go...her...urself...
nt her fault or nt gud enuf
jz everything has a past tense

raining

y m i so energized at nite
i wish i cn sleep earlier
sleep till very late oni wake
ntg to think ntg to worry
bt dats impossible
i jz wish i could sleep earlier
so late still dint sleep wad cn i do
today finally take back my prize
so hard to take using bike
tot small oni bt so big hard to take
drive slowly finally i reach home =]
going to sell it out i guess...

im lucky =P

today my hotel doing staff party
so many performance n show to c
bt i on duty today.sad..go up c abit oni
going to finiz work time frens told me
hey gratz u get picked for lucky draw
i tot joking oni bt its true aft i reconfirmed
so lucky eventhough nt expensive things
bt still im lucky today ^^

a person mood
will it affect the taste of food?
i felt.yes it is...kii dn so down ok!!!

tired~

today is nine emperor god festival
vegetarian one day.cant used to it...
aft lunch went to pray ady
went to 3places =P
pray more nothing wrong right =]
3rd place is parade i walk till finish
kinda tired.bt i hope my wish come true
wish everything will going fine n safe

when cn i stop dreaming of u...
i dn wn awake n telling myself
wad i should do n wad i shouldn't
i was waiting for ur call esp today...
mayb bcz i told u i wed rest day
10 slowly past 11 phone still nt ringing
thought today u nt calling
bt 11 smtg i saw ur number
we hv a short talk cz its late ady
u asked.y im waiting for ur call
wad is the ans u want frm me
i cant tell u the truth
sry i tried my best ady
i dn noe y im waiting for ur call oso
i jz cn ans u im nt waiting for u
i tink i really mz nt wait ur call agn
nw onwards.i hope i cn...

yelling~

today work one ppl
so boring no one cn chat
so many things to do
suddenly order come
finiz one.another came.same food
so fed up.finally yelled out
wn to do my things oso hard
stuck wif d orders
yelled out.i feels better.everythings out
my pressure.unhappy stuff.n problems
tmr is nine emperor festival n my rest day
should go n hv a pray for blessing

all the best.oh chin chong
no matter wad.you must do it

no title

y today i so boring
aikz
nothing to do
i must try to get used to it nw
its gud for my future
should try to find smtg to do...
sleep till very late dn wn to wake
wake ady ntg to do wait for work
today finally i get my protein
should start aft my vegetarian day

wish cn get a cure for missing u ♥

rainy~

yeeehaaaaa.its sunday ady
morning rain so heavy all the way
paiseh still same i make u so pek chek
today i dn dare to talk to you oso
c u so angry at there ltr i say wrong thing
bt another side of me told myself
is i dn wn talk cz u so busy wif frens
i noe u gt ur own guys frens
i wont ask about ur frens in camp
as long as u noe careful in everything.cn ady

why today u gv phone for them keep time
i so down so down...dn noe y
aft work so damn miss you
did i lack of anything forgot tell u at call?
miss u so much
dis few days raining.take care~
wait u for 6more days.love you

shopping~

today aft work went to qb buy things
aft dat go to gama supermarket
today is member's day n promotion day
i bought so many things eventhough one ppl
shop for 5hours today...
first time one ppl shopping buy so many
kinda weird for me.n dats another day...

sorry i still making you so pek chek
i dn noe why or what am i doing
jz cant stop doing wrong things
dn noe y i dn dare to say happy anni to u
mayb dn wn to make u headache
dn wn u always tinking about dis
I L Y ♥

Y O U

saw ur number appeared i cheer up agn
dint expect u will call me today =]
dis call let me more determined
decided i should really go out there work..
mayb i really too rely on you
i noe u dn like i b dis type of person
i noe rite nw my job is nt a satisfied job
i noe go out there is gud for my future
bt i jz cant let go u.i nt really scare being single
i jz scare sometime u at here nid someone
if u gt ur own problem n nid to release
i jz hope i cn b there to share ur sadness
i never told u.bcz i dn dare to do so
of cz u gt ur frens too.is it i over worried?
bt today dis call let me noe.i shouldn't like dis
thx for ur pushing n wad u said
ur encouragement is wad i nid i guess...
i've decided.i gt my final decision
i wont hesitate anymore.n wont regret
thank you.i really appreciate it ♥

did u noe today is wad day?
its another 30th day of the month
without noticing...its already 3years 3months
anyway,wish u cn happy always jia ♥