hey i felt like to post something

its middle of the night right now
and i cant sleep agn
its been around a week dint update ady
hws my life going?
everyday late sleep n wake early for work
dn wn to update blog cz i lost myself
hmmm...hw about start wif u
saturday sunday u take phone
u dint even bother to msg me anymore
u dn even care to scold me or ask me doing wad there
u dn wn to c my name anymore?
or jz hope i vanish frm dis world...
since u dn wn to find me i wont disturb u oso
dats d last thing i tell u.i hope i cn continue dis
i guess right nw u enjoying every time wif frens
going to finiz ur ns already.gt thinking of staying there?
back frm ns mz work already.sure abit lazy n excited
sure gt guys chase u over there ba.u gt gud requirements
u sure gt some1 always acc u ba.i hope he's nice =]
i dint get ur msg.my heart actually bleeds badly
bt since u wn ur own life.n im nt in ur world anymore
i will try to get tougher...

last few days continue work for 16hours 3days
jz hoping to get busy myself.dn tink of u
im exhausted n tiring.bt still will tink about u
its hard to forget someone i love so hard

today 24/11
aft u went for ns.i never hang out for so long ady
waiting for u come back n hang out wif u d
bt when u tell me we both be frens time
i knew its hard to go out wif u agn
today i go watch the movie i wish to watch wif u
b4 its shown of cinema i saw the trailer.i start to wait
waiting the day i date u together go watch dis movie
you are the apple of my eye.那些年,我们一起追过的女孩
bt dat day u came back frm ns for holiday
u watch wif ur frens ady,i noe no chance ady
i really wish cn watch wif u dis movie actually
bt today finally i go wif my 3buddies to watch
thx them actually.bcz 3 of them oso watch b4
willing to acc me go watch agn im very happy
dis is really a very nice movie.touching.n funny
watching the movie.some parts makes my eye,tears
i know movie is movie wont come true
bt i jz cn imagine the scene which is u n me
mayb...u going to marry to some1 u love
someone dat cn gv u wn u wn.while i jz cn wish u
i hope im dat one dat gives u happiness.but...
anyway today is another day for me
jz disappointed.bside me.its nt u anymore...
i wish cn hear ur laugher agn bside me.my dear love

sometime.i still will look at my phone wait for ur msg
b4 sleep still thinking to hv ur call to sleep
do smtg wrong n scolded at me.n make u laf back
without you in my life.my world so dark =[
its 4am.another post by a sad side of me

13/11.i mz stop.this for u.LJJ

morning aft finiz my work
fast go georgetown buy the porridge u like
i ask u b4 wn date u go eat bt morning sell oni
u say lazy wake n gt work tired cant go
so today i fast go buy wn put at ur hse
ltr ur parents come time cn take for u eat
bt aft buy n going to ur hse
u msg me said cant take in n scold me ask 1st
last time i ask u scold me say can take in
i noe next time no chance take u go eat
dats y i jz go buy for u today while i still cn
bt finally u jz scold me n dint reply me anymore

i dn noe y.slowly ride my bike
i ride till ur camp agn...dis is my 3rd day come le
i guess today u on duty.sneak at bus there hope cn c u
bt wait for hours n still dint c u
i tink u inside office dint come out ady
jz cn back home wif disappointment feeling
dis time is last time i like dis oso le
i wont sneaky go n try to c u anymore.im sorry

noe u busy whole day n nid to go for buddha class
bt i dint get ur reply i jz very hard to go trough
finally i msg u.n i tell u i check on u
dis is making u hate me more?
bt i oso tell u all my feeling le
im jealous of him.n i dn wn to lose u
i wish i cn hear u say gv a chance to we two
i hope u cn gv a chance to me.i cn chg anything for u
no matter wad u wn me to chg oso cn.all jz for u
bt u return phone oso le no chance to get ur answer
today.i tell u all my feeling.i really wnt go kek u agn
we both many things hv chg.when u said break.u chg le
u say treat me as fren.bt i hope u really mean it.as fren
one things for sure dint chg.i still loving u so much jia
i will gv u time.no matter hw long is it.i will wait for u
hope when u tink le.u will gv me a ans.no matter wad ans

while waiting for u
i will chg myself.to a better man
hope when u back time.cn c a diff me
eventhough our relation chg le.my care to u nvr chg
i will try to be more open minded
i wont drink till so bad torture myself ady
if u dn wn c my name.i wont appear in ur phone
i still miss.ur hugs.hugging u.the world is all mine
wish my wish cn come true.soon or later
effort to get back my love.miss lee jia jia

keep lying myself

today morning i went to dat place agn
raining today all no activity
i tink all cn sleep oso very gud
back time i make a call
n wad i heard.make me hurts
actually i noe all things about u
i dn noe whether u lie me or telling truth
bt i wont ask u anymore
since u wn to hide frm me
i wont tell u i noe all dat n open ur lies
before dis all the moment wif me.is dat love?
do you really love me before dis?
hw cn our relation for 3years plus
u say end n end up so cruely
hw cn u dn even bother me anymore now...
our relation really means nothing to you mar?
i jz cn slowly suffer the pain
i noe u at there very happy nw
gt ppl acc u on call all dat
u dn wn msg me i oso wont disturb u agn
if i no meaning to u anymore.i wont force u d...

in dis special day.11/11/11

haha.today in dis special day
i done a freaking crazy thing
aft work i went to a place
a place dat is so far
travelled for around 20km
yet i reach n see for 3minutes
im satisfied n leave dat place
today i will rmb
bcz i cn do wad i wn.c wad i wn
i wish i cn c u dat time
back time its already 10 smtg
sleepy oso larh
do all thing n on9 awhile 12 oni sleep

today i oso saw smtg dat im curious about
haha.if today i cn hv a wish
i wish.i cn hv a call frm u
its months ago since u call me
today u at there exercise all enjoy?
gt fren gv u surprise or anything special?
hope u cn happy always ya ^^

tmr is 11/11/11

early morning late sleep agn
sleepy bt jz cant sleep when lie down
my mom asked me
y recently u so late sleep n early wake
i jz cn smile n walk away
bcz i dn noe hw to ans ur question
in my dream.its very suffer for me
today i hypnotize myself to sleep
forcing myself to sleep long enough
awake n keep lying at bed.till 6pm wake up
no one at home.alone eat bath sit sofa look up at sky
my life is so meaningless right now

tmr is 11/11/11
its the day im waiting for to do smtg for u
bt i dn hv dis chance anymore...
u at there.sure rmb dis day.cz spend wif ur frens
at dis special day.im wishing to hang out wif u
bt for u.u will rmb dis day.cz u at NS go trough
im nt asking for anything more
jz hope cn get a call frm u.calling me dis fren...

the moon looks very nice for me
bt i jz cn pray to the moon.to make my wish come true
its 15th of chinese calender
hope u at there.look up the sky if see the moon
its the same moon u see jz like me

from time to time.im talking to sky.asking myself
wad r u doing right now.is it chatting n enjoying?
imagine-ing wad u doing right there...
STUPID.yet its a way for me to comfort myself

i jz back.wif sadness

i jz back wif my fren jia chee
he fetching his gf go out n ask me
fetch me go 1st avenue
they go buy smtg den oni put his gf
reach 1st avenue
i jz following their back because
all the memories wif u flash out agn
i really wish u were here wif me
still rmb we at there laughing all the way
go there hv our meal n shopping
all dat.is the memories i cherish
aft he put his gf we go hv dinner
we chat n laugh.bt i dn dare tell him
hw stupid am i.wif him chat.bt tinking bout her

back home.i saw the moon so bright n round
so beautiful.i wish u cn acc me sitting there
enjoying the moonlight scenery...
nw...i oni wn to tell myself
pls let me keep the memories.i cn recall anytime
u at there enjoying wif frens mar?
still tired mar??did u c the moonlight too?
hope u cn enjoy it too
11/11/11 coming.the day i wish to spend wif u =[

once...our memories.my happiness

so sleepy jz nw morning
yesterday nt enuf sleep
back time on9 awhile
den lie at my bed cant sleep
go out lie at sofa
fall asleep le
bt sleep for 4hours wake d
aikz

i dream about my happiness
3years ago.ur skul holiday time
still rmb our first time outing?
u help me to make my hair straight
help me to do all nice nice
we go qb wif ur frens sit bus
dats d 1st time our outing
back time we sit bus too
at bus.u was tired n sleepy
i find a place for u den we two sit
u slowly put ur head at my shoulder
den sleep at there.dats d moment i dream
dat moment i never forget it.im so 幸福
i really miss dat time we two love each other
in our eyes.gt each other.is happiness ady
first time outing.n my first time so happy

i miss you agn
i wn to stop crying bcz im guy
bt i jz cant do it.bcz i love you jia T.T

you're back to camp

im very sleepy today
u going back
morning cant sleep well
awhile wake ady
did u noe i keep take my hp c gt msg or nt
i was hoping to get ur msg to chat wif me
bt its 3pm already.i cant wait n msg u agn
thx for replying my msg jz nw b4 u back
although u still ntg to say wif me
bt u still make urself reply me.im glad
u back return phone time.im lost agn
i keep shouting n release my stress
i jz cant afford to lose you my love
still rmb the day i bring u to take the ns letter
dat moment u ask me y so sad
bcz i dn wn u to leave me.i dn wn things chg
if i gt a chance.i hope u never get the ns thing
i dn wn u to go.dn wn u leave me my girl

i tried to sleep jz nw
bt once i close my eye
all i c is u.i really c u
i cant make myself fall asleep
i miss you i love you
all the moment we go through
all the thing i done for u
all the smile dat u gv me
i cant forget about it i so suffer
my sleep is see all dis memory like movie
i love you too deep making myself like dis
lee jia jia.i willing sacrifice anything to chg
bt did u still hv feeling to me?
i very appreciate we both.dis relationship
i promise every year make a bday cake for u
u said u will waiting my surprise every year
all dis promises.vanish le mar?cried so bad T.T

im in serious pain =[

omg work whole night
my head damn pain
no penadol to eat no time to rest
like my brain shrinking larh lol

today u going back ns ady
yesterday dn noe where u go
so late still dint reply really worry
msg ask whether u back ady or nt
u jz replied back le
no more msg frm u anymore
dn noe is it really ntg to say wif me le
hope we r still fren ba...
dn noe wad time u back hw u back oso
wish u gud luck in ur camp ya
we r jz fren.if u dn wn say.nt a prob oso

keep raining.really affecting my mood
so cold n so down
looks like going to insomnia agn =[
11/11/11.anyone willing to date me?haha
hope its a gud day dat time

the last time,no more repeating

sry dat im a jerk
i dint mean to disturb u
keep saying bout him
mayb i jz cant control myself
keep lying myself.bt im too over le
i hope u cn accept my apologize too
i noe u n him is ntg.i nt wn to blame u ya
u n him jz normal fren.dat msg n call talk oni
im sry to keep saying u...

yesterday thx to my buddy jia chee
thx for willing to listen to my problem
i oso wn to b her frens.wait her back
slowly chg myself n chase her back
bt nw she jz treat me as a fren
a fren which i dn noe hw to explain
she din even gv me a chance a hope nw
she dn love me anymore.nw jz like a new fren relation
bt i cant forget about her.all about her all the time
ignoring me maybe is better for her
i jz wn to date u out.hv a movie.meal.n a talk
as a last gift for me b4 i leave.my last wish
bt nt going to come true anymore

the alcohol ruined my body.nw so suffer everyday
nw i wont drink red wine n tiger beer together.experience
keep vomiting n no apetite to eat nw
cant even sleep well.nw im like a dead man
i tried so hard to smile n cover my wound
bt i cant make it...
maybe im leaving earlier.mayb cant even c u anymore
at here.no matter go where.oso flash out shadow of u
mayb wif u too long.bcome a rely to u
i jz worry other guy dn noe is which type
scare they is playing dat type.lie ur feeling
i jz worry other guy cant protect u
bt im so stupid.u noe who is gud n bad
if im leaving.i hope i cn make a new life myself

sry to make u hate me n felt so disturbing
i wont do dis anymore.today i promise myself
if u treat me as fren.i will treat u as fren
if u tink of me.a msg will make me feels better
if nt so fren.ntg say to me.i oso wont msg disturb u agn
u said should go out c the world n noe more frens
dis oni considered as a life.bt i cant do it le
thx dat day.u called me to fetch u
i cn hear ur voice for few second
i cn c ur face in car.mayb dat moment is ur awful time
sitting there n ntg cn talk to me
but i wont forget it.dat night.my last piece
i dn wn to regret till the moment u leave me
i love u.n the place always belongs to u
hope someday.somewhere.we cn still met up...

im tired le

im tired of guessing dis n dat
yesterday till jz nw 7 le
u still dn wn reply me
mayb...u really forget bout me ady
i tink u gt ur fren cn msg acc u today
yesterday i ask u bt u dint hear tiok
today i get my guts.n ask u all le
finally i cn get all the ans i dn noe
thx for telling me all the truth
i nw noe we two really no chance le
no matter hw hard i tried.u gt ur own world
ur world n me.will never b same anymore
i hope u cn chase wad u wn in future
n careful in dis realistic world
full of dangerous thing.n dn walk wrong path
if i cn reverse the time
i hope i cn reverse to the time i met u
n make myself so care u all nid to ask u
eventhough u dont love me.bt i wont blame u
i hope u cn let me continue love u
by knowing u r safe all the time
thx for gving me all the memories
ur good n bad.will always in my mind
all the best jia
n all the best to me
i oso will cry badly.bt aft finiz.i hope i cn do better

my 2nd off day

right nw.is 4am.jz back
u n me.really so stranger nw
u dn even say careful to me anymore
is it so hard to talk wif me agn??
dis time really let me felt
i gt no chance on u anymore
u gt ur own path n own man to choose
n i never catch up u agn...
my heart so pain.bt oni i feel it
u sure very enjoy wif ur frens at there
im so stupid stay near u to wait u
u even scared to let ur fren saw me
i tink i worry bout ur safety oso extra d
u nw go out all oso gt ur own fren
u oni noe it urself.i no right to noe it oso
heard ur conversation wif fren in car
dats d stop of my heartbeat
i wish to stop there.n hv a talk wif u
i wish i cn ask u clearly about dis realationship
bt inside the car.i cn c.u wont mind bout it
thx u jia.thx for gving me all the memories
thx for dis chance i cn hear ur voice for one last time
we r jz a most normal fren nw
i wont ask u anything nw onward
wont mind anything oso.bcz my identity chg ady
i want to say.i love you
before.present.future...i will still continue it
thx u for love me once before
i wish u all the best.n happy always.becareful in all

im lucky.i reached home safely.im blessed
lil bit drunk.vomited at roadside =[
jz nw is worthy for me...
today is my 2nd off day
tmr night going to start my midnight shift
the shift i hate the most since last months
i going to suffer insomnia agn T.T
i hate dis shift so much.i hate it :'(

:'(

ur words
hurt me so bad
do i sounds like im smiling???
my voice cn b upside down for u o?
i saw ur number fast ans ady bt bcome miss call
i called u back i tot u gt anything ok
im stupid.bt im so ......
i was going to call ur fren already did u noe
dis whole day im following u
dint c u on9 so long dint reply
so late did u noe im worry
im ur fren.bt i still cn worry u
bt wad u treat me as...
im so depressed
u cn scold me stupid or jz F me
bt u wont noe wads my feeling
i dn noe hw to continue anymore
i hope i gt a fren there acc me drink nw

my currently mood ♥

i miss you

but i cant tell u or msg u

bcz u r nt like b4 anymore...

if saw my msg.wads ur feeling nw...

in my mind

aikz super sick rite now
super headache wn to hv a rest

dn noe y
aft i heard dis song dat day
the rhythm keep playing in my mind
is it the melody or the lyrics dat attract me
i jz cant stop frm singing dis song
very meaningful song ♥

y am i still so stupid

yes i noe u n me right nw is most normal fren
i dn hv any rights to ask u anything
i cant even say more wif u
whole day u gt ppl acc i noe dat
i noe u gt many friends n 'fren' acc u
u cn wait till 5 oni reply me
i noe u n me is nt so normal anymore
bt dis matter i knew it very clearly
we r like stranger dat noe each other
y u wn to tell me agn 'we just fren'
u tink i will forget or jz wn to remind me agn...
i jz wn to forget u by nt doing anything
u r cruel bt u never noe it...
mayb u feel dat i still dint get clear about dis
u gt ur own path i wont disturb u anymore

y am i so stupid.fuck myself!!i hate myself
get ready everything jz for a normal meal wif u
noe today friday nite will jam going out early
bt wif a big prob u dint tell me wad time
unconfirm whether its ltr or nt
aft one hour u replied chg to monday
im so stupid jz like before.gv too much hopes
i dint hate u or angry.im jz angry of myself
at least dis 1hour let me undstd myself
did i sacrifice too much?y i still like before
i really wn to chg myself.i dn wn get hate by someone
someone dat i care.i dn wn finally get scolded n hated
i noe the meal is a normal n ntg conversation
bt dn noe y i still putting so much effort n hopes
i guess.the meal.will b d last memory for me to keep
aft dis meal.i think wont hv chance anymore
no matter the meal cancelled on monday or nt
i wont mind bcz its fated between u n me
earlier in aftnoon u said u dn noe wn out wif me or nt
i noe u still in doubt to c me agn...
still hard for u to decide.am i the one u wn to meet??
anyway dats ur decision.i will nt say one word n respect u
i told myself.dis 4days.u c who u wn.den ok le
sometime ur msg i oso dn noe hw to reply
reply too warm let u misundstd
reply too cold i dn noe wad should i write

today my off day jz spend it in my room
waiting for some messages.waiting for some hopes
end up wif despair n fragment of broken heart
keep lying myself i cn do it.bt i never make it
mayb its bcz of yesterday nite drunk abit
start to runny nose n headache.hate being sick
plus family thing.head going to burst
fuck my family.i hate YOU!!!!
FUCK YOU!!!u wn me PAY u??
FOR ALL DIS YEARS U RAISE ME UP??
u tink being a dad is a repaying thing???
u r nt a gud dad in my world!!!
come n take my life!!if nt jz tink u never born me!!!
U R MOST FUCKING DAD I EVER SEEN
I LOOK DOWN ON U!!!
IF U THINK U RAISE ME USING MONEY
N WANT TO GET BACK THE MONEY
THEN I WILL LOOK DOWN ON U!!
I WILL PAY U BACK THE MONEY
N DN HOPE I WILL TAKE CARE OF U!!!!
IF U DN WN WASTE MONEY
U SHOULDN'T BORN ME AT FIRST OK
I THOUGHT U HV CHG BCOME BETTER
I STARTED TO TELL MYSELF FORGET D PAST
BT LOOKS LIKE IM WRONG
FUCK I HATE MY LIFE

our relationship
let me think of dis song
watch dis mv listen to the song
the moment wif u all flash out :'(
u always taken the place in my heart
im so stupid.hope cn love u in my heart
im very satisfied ♥
waiting watch dis movie

thursday

today at work place one ppl
boring time boring
busy time busy
so hungry i no appetite today
fking order one by one damn hate it
grrrrrrrr.shouted when fed up lol
things all do like cant finiz eh
wn go back time.received ur msg
struggling inside my heart
dn noe hw should i reply u...
i knew u oso dn noe wad to say wif me agn
asked me tmr wn to go out eat or nt
once agn im in the middle of the line
i wn to go out wif u so badly.bt im so scared...
tmr u coming back ady.u sure gt many things to do
i noe many ppl date u.u oso gt u wn go out d ppl
i tink u n me.go out oso wont make u happy
i drink abit agn jz nw.abit dizzy ady
i jz cant stop myself frm drinking it
i jz wn to make myself nt to think about u
4days for u.i oni hope u cn enjoy it seriously
aft u back.u still gt 25 days den finiz ady
dis 4days will b the support for u over there
very fast den u will finiz this training
wish dis time u back will enjoy ya =]
hope 'he' will acc u all the time too
sry i called u at my drunk situation
hope i not disturbing ur sleep
headache already lar.wn go sleep already me
dint notice nw is so late already
should stop thinking anymore.night

so hard

so fast.u flash out frm no where agn
i tried to forgot already
i noe myself gt problem
u told me dats d problem between u n me
dis is unavoidable fact
no matter u gt secret or nt
i was hoping to forget u
i dn noe wad will i do if continue like dis
i dn wn to gv u any pressure
im scared of hurting u once again
i dn wn to disturb u anymore oso
dis few months.i tink u gt some problem bcz of me
im sry.jz wn to apologize to u.i will try my best...

im still me.dint chg

recently i working
did i bcome more angry and violant?
jz nw my head say dn so loud talk wif trainee
scold so loud so rude ltr get complain
bt i jz feel im teaching them
im nt scolding them for ntg
i scold them is bcz of smtg goes wrong
mayb i bcome abit rude than b4
bt its still under control
today 10 go work for ot already
learn some at banquet actually
bt 1st time so tired larh me =[
i nid to sleep already good night frens
i wont say about u n me agn.i wont force u
i must start to be strong now
i will try to cover my sadness by a smile

first of november

its d 1st post for my november
today 31/10 i gt smtg to say for work
3pm work.2.45 u wn us to report for work
bt on my way suddenly rain so heavy
i late for 5minutes report in work
should u say like dat to me?
its nt dat i purposely late come or wad
bt rain i hv to slow down my speed
its my work.i wont risk my life for ur RULE
hope u cn undstd one day.im nt gving reason...

jz nw when i facing my screen n chat
my mom came in asked me
did i drink in my room?
i said yes
u drink 3cans at one time?
yea
y u drink so many at one time.u gt wad problem.broke up r?
dat moment.i cant turn back my head
bcz my eye is going to drop tears
hw cn i tell u all my things.i dn noe hw to tell dis
i dn noe hw to ans.jz said y cant i drink
i want to drink den i drink
bt in my heart.ur question make my wound bleed
i told myself i wont do dis agn.hope i cn do it...