y am i still so stupid

yes i noe u n me right nw is most normal fren
i dn hv any rights to ask u anything
i cant even say more wif u
whole day u gt ppl acc i noe dat
i noe u gt many friends n 'fren' acc u
u cn wait till 5 oni reply me
i noe u n me is nt so normal anymore
bt dis matter i knew it very clearly
we r like stranger dat noe each other
y u wn to tell me agn 'we just fren'
u tink i will forget or jz wn to remind me agn...
i jz wn to forget u by nt doing anything
u r cruel bt u never noe it...
mayb u feel dat i still dint get clear about dis
u gt ur own path i wont disturb u anymore

y am i so stupid.fuck myself!!i hate myself
get ready everything jz for a normal meal wif u
noe today friday nite will jam going out early
bt wif a big prob u dint tell me wad time
unconfirm whether its ltr or nt
aft one hour u replied chg to monday
im so stupid jz like before.gv too much hopes
i dint hate u or angry.im jz angry of myself
at least dis 1hour let me undstd myself
did i sacrifice too much?y i still like before
i really wn to chg myself.i dn wn get hate by someone
someone dat i care.i dn wn finally get scolded n hated
i noe the meal is a normal n ntg conversation
bt dn noe y i still putting so much effort n hopes
i guess.the meal.will b d last memory for me to keep
aft dis meal.i think wont hv chance anymore
no matter the meal cancelled on monday or nt
i wont mind bcz its fated between u n me
earlier in aftnoon u said u dn noe wn out wif me or nt
i noe u still in doubt to c me agn...
still hard for u to decide.am i the one u wn to meet??
anyway dats ur decision.i will nt say one word n respect u
i told myself.dis 4days.u c who u wn.den ok le
sometime ur msg i oso dn noe hw to reply
reply too warm let u misundstd
reply too cold i dn noe wad should i write

today my off day jz spend it in my room
waiting for some messages.waiting for some hopes
end up wif despair n fragment of broken heart
keep lying myself i cn do it.bt i never make it
mayb its bcz of yesterday nite drunk abit
start to runny nose n headache.hate being sick
plus family thing.head going to burst
fuck my family.i hate YOU!!!!
FUCK YOU!!!u wn me PAY u??
FOR ALL DIS YEARS U RAISE ME UP??
u tink being a dad is a repaying thing???
u r nt a gud dad in my world!!!
come n take my life!!if nt jz tink u never born me!!!
U R MOST FUCKING DAD I EVER SEEN
I LOOK DOWN ON U!!!
IF U THINK U RAISE ME USING MONEY
N WANT TO GET BACK THE MONEY
THEN I WILL LOOK DOWN ON U!!
I WILL PAY U BACK THE MONEY
N DN HOPE I WILL TAKE CARE OF U!!!!
IF U DN WN WASTE MONEY
U SHOULDN'T BORN ME AT FIRST OK
I THOUGHT U HV CHG BCOME BETTER
I STARTED TO TELL MYSELF FORGET D PAST
BT LOOKS LIKE IM WRONG
FUCK I HATE MY LIFE

our relationship
let me think of dis song
watch dis mv listen to the song
the moment wif u all flash out :'(
u always taken the place in my heart
im so stupid.hope cn love u in my heart
im very satisfied ♥
waiting watch dis movie